How do you lose 700 lbs of woman?

Bill, Ted, Jimmy and Tu Tu hit the Texas Whorehouse (aptly named). Delicitudes, margaritas, Jack and Coke, beers. After torturing the waitress for a few hours with our complete retardedness, dirty jokes, and inability to be quiet, we head to .....


the mall?????

haha who knows.

Did you know you can lose a Tu Tu in the mall for an hour? Yea...an hour. We went into Spencers to see if he was in there (apparently he couldn't find it). we asked the worker lady in there if she had seen a 7 ft tall gigantor walking around, she said no but then proceeded in telling us this story.

Apparently, she has an aunt who is 350 lbs (literally) and a neice who is also 350 lbs. They went to walmart one night and they were looking at something. She went off around the corner and then BAM the aunt and neice were GONE. She proceeded to say "How do you lose 700 lbs of women???" (hahaha) which proceeded with us all laughing hysterically!

We continue our search for Tu Tu and find him at the opposite side of where we were...go figure. It was essential to our well-being to continue onward to Sonic to indulge in the milkshakes. LUCKY for us, it was wednesday and at sonic it is FREE ROOTBEER FLOAT WEDNESDAY!!!



While indulging in Free Rootbeer Float Wednesday, Tu Tu decides he wants to jam out to Rockband. There really are no words for this. Well, other than hilarious. Keep in mind...we are in the mall. He even scared off a little girl.... and got laughed by some rednecks.

so special...at their special midget table.


And just for Jimmy!


Go Tu Tu GO!!!!
Forgot to flip it...oopss

Build a Boy

This one is for the ladies. Ever meet a guy and you are like "oh he has a nice body but good god he is an idiot" and then you meet another guy and you say "Oh he is so smart but good god he is ugly". Then you meet the "He's got a great personality but meh, he's ok". Or the "Wow he really rocks my world (horizontally, that is) but what an asshole!"

Ever wanted to mash all these things together?

Take that first guys looks with the second guys brains, the third guys personality and the fourth guys...well talents and put them all together?

Well now you can with Build-A-Boy!!

Build the perfect man, especially tailored for YOU!

Coming to a mall near you. We will be in between Build-A-Bear and Spencers!

Bill and Ted's Adventures in Epic Fail-land!

Monday night. "Date" night.

Bill and Ted head to the movie theater to see Night at the Museum 2. They are about 5 minutes late because the people at the japanese place were so freaking slow. They rush into theater one and are walking around aimlessly because the movie has already started and its dark. They finally find seats and sit down to enjoy the movie.

It seems that Bill and Ted have missed a lot because of being five minutes late. But they sit through it and try to figure out what's going on. After about 20 minutes the music begins to change and they sense the happily ever after is coming. The guy has saved the day, and the statues.

OMG! They then realize.....

They went in the wrong theater......they just sat through the end of the freaking movie and completely missed the first half of the movie in the correct theater. They are sober....

EPIC FAIL!

We are idiots!

I hope you got a big trunk, cause i'm gonna park my ex in it :)

So what happens when Bill and Ted both have a day off....and they are supposed to go to the Lake but the weather sucks???

They drive four hours to the beach instead. Rather randomly, Bill and Ted jump in the truck at 9 in the morning on Memorial day and head to Wilmington. With Fluffy Poof of course, who despite us taking her out to pee, decided to grace us by peeing on the console.

Starting off with a Pitstop at Chik-fil-a of course. Everyone in unison now
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Maggie is a great Co-pilot

She keeps an eye out for us

YAY


After four hours, they finally made it to Fort Fisher. Yay for finding a beach that lets you bring puppies!!!! It was cloudy....we both burnt. Fluffy got to walk around and play with all the other dogs. She is ferocious by the way, we are not sure if we have mentioned that before. She even got to go swimming in the ocean...but once that wave hit, she was less than impressed.

OMG RUN!!!


We spent about 3 hours on the beach and even though it was overcast and windy, both Bill and Ted are burned! Go figure.
Ted and Moo, this explains Teds Puppy shaped tanlines.




We then met up with a friend named Michael for dinner. Had Shrimp on the intercoastal waterway. Delicious!!!!! ::le sigh::

And it's very important ----"So, I slept in a bathtub last weekend...in a suit."

Unfortunately for both Ted and Bill, they had to head home...:( With a scary puppy who jumps on your head while driving, to hysterically laughing at cows and random purposeless dead stops on the highway, Bill and Ted continue their excellent adventures. We never get bored.!!!


Maggie Moo says "come back soon!"

Update

Sorry we've been sucking at updating but we've got 2 awesome new blogs in the works (The Mongolian Midget's visit and the horse show!) Stay tuned for those...

I swear if you die sunday, I swear i'm going to kill you.

Enter Bill, Ted and the Mongolian Midget.



The Mongolian Midget finally made it up to visit Bill and Ted this week. She had only planned on staying one day but fate had it differently and she got to stick around for two!!!!

We started out at Ted's barn. She got to be attacked by the ferocious attack puppy, Fluffy Poof! Killer Puppy Kisses!!! She got some pretty awesome examples of Ted's and Revy's "mommy hates you" Looks. Quite hilarious! We need a picture of this some day. Ted and MM go for a tour of the farm, and get to meet all the horses and dogs around.



We all go riding. Ted on America, Bill on Toby and MM on Clark. MM fell in love with Clark...but it's Clark and he's awesome, so we are not surprised at all. We get done riding and are starving but decide to take a pit stop at the Farm to meet the critters.




MM got to meet Chico and Ani, Tizzy and Tootie Frootie. haha She even got Llama kisses!!!

Ted and Toots were talking about that godforsaken sheep over there, can you believe what she did?? oooloordy


And meet Tizzy, who's single thought at the moment was "foooodddd""


Then we couldn't hold off our hunger anymore and we head out to Olive Garden. MMMMdelish! As usual. Do believe that we go here about once a week. HEY! Atleast they don't try to kick us out here! Sunrise Margaritas, delicious food and lots of laughter. We didn't stop laughing for hours. But alas, Bill had to go to work the next morning so everyone headed home.

Thursday, MM hung out with Ted all day. She got to ride JJ, Sugar, and Dixie. She would have taken Dixie home in her truck if she could have. She even got to ride Revy with no bridle or saddle! Excitement!






After riding all day at Ted's, MM headed over the Bills to go on a trail ride on Ani Banani. Bill on Fatti Chico. They go through a tour of the Home. See the escaping calf. Walk through the head high grasses, that we do believe that if MM got off, she would have been swallowed up! Go trotting through the kudzoo. On and On.


DIABEETUS COW SAYS CHECK YOUR DIABEETUS!!!





But alas, MM had to head home..:(

We look forward to another visit of the Mongolian Midget into the Adventures of Bill and Ted! MM we miss you alllreadddyyy!!!!

Tequila Tuesday

Since Margarita Monday was missed due to massively swolled bewbies, today has become Tequila Tuesday for Bill and Ted.

Aptly renamed Billford and Tedrow for the night, they, with both Jimmy and Tu-tu, went to Mi Pueblo. We had a fantastic time. With Jesus Specials and pitchers of Margaritas there were many tears of laughter, rolling around in the booth and embarrassing yet hilarious stories.

Good friends and good times!

"Can I lick your rim?"

Yay Margaritas!

Here is our souvenir from the night. Tu-tu wanted the giant margarita spoon, but alas he had no purse. Tedrow took care of it for him.

Tomorrow, a new addition to our adventures for the day! Wait and see!


*Bill and Ted

Cooter, your bewbie done swolled up!

There is nothing like walking out into the pasture to find a horse with his chest wide open, flesh hanging everywhere. Hey, you could see up inside that thing!!!!


6:30 - It was dusk, we were turning out horses and then going to have dinner and perhaps Margarita Monday. We drive over to the bigger pasture to see the big man, who is recovering quite well. When standing behind him, lo and behold, is that crazy QH with a giant flap of skin and muscle hanging off his already swolled up bewbie! Ted holds him still while Bill runs to grab a halter.


This thing is DISGUSTING!!!! There is bloody goo hanging down. You can SEE the muscles inside. Its obvious this is going to need medical attention like twenty minutes ago. Luckily, we caught it very early. (We have pictures of this, but will put them at the bottom so that those who don't want to see it can continue to read without vomiting on to your keyboard. For those who decide to look, we are not responsible for your keyboard. :) )


Bill begins to walk Cooter up to the barn while Ted calls the vet(s). He really doesn't seem to be fazed by the fact that his insides were now outsides. A slight limp. You know, even though it was revolting to look at, that part was not fazing Bill at all. It was the slirping, sucking noise coming out of the wound. (we find out later what it is **ohhh the anticipation**)


Bill and Cooter get up to the barn. He is bleeding now, a slight drip of goo and blood. (Hope you guys weren't hungry) Ted comes up and we find out that we are going to have to trailer him to the vet in Salisbury. Only 25-30 minutes away. Not so bad.


You know, it would figure that the only horse on the farm that doesn't know how to trailer would be the one with his bewbie muscles hanging out of his chest! After being coaxed with a broom, he agreed that we lowly humans are probably right and he should get on the trailer.


We get out there. The vet gives him a sedative and starts looking at the wound. The vet could stick HIS ENTIRE HAND UP TO HIS WRIST inside of this wound. Bill and Ted stood there with big eyes going "woah". (thankfully, neither Bill or Ted are easily grossed out by this stuff, more fascinated than anything) Somehow, Cooter got lucky. The entire wound was 14 inches long, and only 1.5 of that actually cut through muscle! He managed to cut straight through the two muscles. Wow! That lovely noise that was coming from him was the muscles and blood rubbing against each other. (mmmmm and somehow we were still hungry)



Slight break in story---there was a mare there that was more nuts than any stallion we've ever seen! She had a testosterone secreting ovarian tumor. She screamed the entire time, made race tracks of her stall and said "I want Cooter Butt!" Very pretty little mare though. ----Ok back to story.


So it turns out, it will just be a nasty scar, and a very sore horse! He cut off some skin, stitched up the muscle, stitched him back together. He has to have a drain for a while. ::gag:: Lucky Lucky horse, it could have been so much worse.


Amazingly, he loads so much better on the way back. He just hopped right on there, then again, that could have been the drugs. We get back to the barn with a Cooter with one swolled up bewbie, but he is alive and happy. Well for now, he isn't too fond of stall rest. :)







Its 11......Wendy's here we come!

There are two important quotes from this adventure:

"Cooter, your bewbie done swolled up" and "What ARE you?"

Pictures, not for the faint......

The Start of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures

After being christened "Bill" and "Ted" by their dear friend Adam, Kris and Dani have decided to create a blog to chronicle their exploits.

This should be interesting, to say the least.

Enjoy!